我挥一挥衣袖不带走一片云彩

出轨狂想曲

2008-06-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

这是什么样的一种心情？
做了一个非常奇怪的梦，梦里“心痒痒”的主角尽然出现，而且还是一个非常意想不到的剧情。是日有所思，夜有所梦吗？我自己也搞不清楚。这个梦境如果成真，后果可能是一发不可收拾。难道这是我潜意识的希望？

Bought a little gift and card for dad on Father's day. Think i wrote something quite touching inside the card. Hopefully it's "flowery" enough to show off my standard, though i always thot dad is always better in Chinese than me, as he's chinese-educated.

Wanted to get the pipa duck at Ghim Moh for mum and dad today, But it was sold out when we get there. Have to thank dear dear for driving me here and there to get a roasted duck.......but ...Lance Lance hurt it's rim white it hit the kerb....poor Lance. Dear Dear also heart pain........

Spoken some angry and "spiky" words infront of dear dear yesterday, But it reflected my feelings well enough. I am not perfect, and i certainly dun require him to be perfect, But there are little things that he can work on that can contribute in maintaining the relationship.

Trade-in my flute today....it has been with me for 3.5 years. Can't bear to let it go....but...i need a better quality flute. This Yamaha six series professional flute cos four thousand plus......wah...........Hope i can do well for my flute exam on August. Gambatte!

还是会寂寞

2008-06-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

Been A very very long time ago......

Feeling lonely again......

Having dear dear by my side is a good enough thing for me, just that i can't help feeling lonely. I hardly go out with my friends, except douz. And every sunday i still have to eat go his house for dinner. SOmetimes even Saturday. He's not as romantic as when we first started. Yes, our honeymoon period is over.

And today, over the financial consultant thing, something i am not the least interested. He kept rattling on, while i just knod my head. All this while, he still never improve as a good listener. Will he ever sit down and listen attentively to what i say?

I actually like the good old days when i was with my guitar friends, talking and laughing over dinner. But.......it's all gone......

男人是自私的

2007-11-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

11月9日2007年

度过了一个很不愉快的一周年纪念日。
在一起一年之后，什么都变了，他自然会要求你“体谅”还有“了解”他。他却从未试着体谅和了解我。

自信满满地以为他会准时赴约，可是还是让我失望了。吃完之后就急急忙忙冲去会朋友，根本没有问我想在这个特别的日子去哪里庆祝。那天的脸色是灰灰的，怎么开心得起来？

隔天不让他抽烟，他就生气了，说我那晚在他朋友面前“脸臭臭”。他在我朋友面前也是这样的，那我是不是也应该把他臭骂一顿？

我从来没有要他每个星期去见我的朋友，而我却要每个星期见他的朋友。我发现自己没有自己的朋友，我感觉很寂寞。他的朋友绝对不是我可以谈心倾诉的人。而我就和我那班朋友的距离越来越远。

男人好自私，又或许我比较适合单身生活。真的不喜欢喝汤，真的不喜欢每个星期花钱看不喜欢看的戏。

一个人孤孤单单，也许也是一种幸福......

School Holidays

2007-10-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

Been so long.........i finally have time to slowly recall my password...kekeke....:P finally back in my blog again.
one week's time will be me and dear dear's one year anniversary....(cheers! :D )
Been a happy Sleepy Cat Bear all this while.........

Sleepy bear still sleepy....

2007-03-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

Have not been writing anything since 2007....keke......
Been a happy bear all these while with my ah beng.......
but definitely not happy in school. :(
Miss my sec one students last year......esp my F1/1 students......hope they are all doing fine.

23 Mar 2007, Friday.
Ended my Genus annual concert. The only interesting item for me is the EXPO songs.......and especially when i can use my flute and blow 菊花台.
Another big event to look forward will be the competition in Germany in June.

30 Mar 2007, Friday.
First time we gonna be apart for 3 days.......wow....seemed liked 3 years...... :S

Pan Pan has been in my house since Monday, Pan Pan miss Lance Lance.

Happy Boxing Day!

2006-12-26T07:42:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve:
Had a great Christmas Eve......went Bugis with my ah beng to use up his capitaland voucher. (oops....i thot i say i wun call him that liao) kekekeke........ We had our dinner at Mos burger, According to him, that's where sec school kids will go. But we already no longer sec school kids wor...... Our next destination is T2. We exchanged our present in the car....... :D Thot there will be lesser people, and ended up queing about 30 mins for Swensens.....Next desination, Mt Fabor Juke Box. Saw the bubble Snow at 12am, then we took the cable car. Wah....been ages since i last took cable car. :P

Christmas Day:
Stayed at home all day...slacking....doing nothing. Been going out almost everyday. And finally a day at home. Mum was Happy. :) HAd dinner with mum and dad. A warm Christmas dinner.

Boxing Day:
Planned to go School. But atlas.......raining cats and dogs......no chice lor, stayed at home .....practise a bit of flute and guitar. Sleepy day...cos it was a rainy day.

Rainy Beary day, Sleepy bear, lazy bear, feeling sleepy all day. Bf bear, naughty bear sms sleepy bear, asked if mama bear is ok. Bf bear not happy cos never see sleepy bear. Little bear practise guitar in the end, never sleep. kekekeke...beary beary day....

It's been a mth

2006-12-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

Been a month since my last post.
Been a busy month, doing piano accompaniment. My greatest challenge is coming up. The ATCL for Jason. Been practising very ahrd, but still not meeting the standard. Getting quite stressed up le......sob sob.

Didn't really msn much recently. And now find msn a lonely place. Dog, panda, RJ hardly talk to me. Even SJ, now having exam, also hardly see him online le.

Went to Yunsheng's ROM today. Wah......first time seeing the solemnization. hehehehe..........I think mine will be a better planned one....kekekeke........

Ah beng is not so ah beng afterall. I better not call him ah beng le. hehehehe. First time i ever buy earrings for a guy wor......oops..........:P

Simon Says

2006-11-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

03 Nov, Sat

What an unlucky day. Was late for the piano accompniment, in the ened took a cab, and lost mt Ez link cardholder. :S the only good thing is that, the teacher-in-charge was good enough to give me a lift to vivo city. I had to buy a new EZ link card. But i lost the KUromi cardholder also. :(

Had dinner at Spagghedies at Marina. After that went walk walk with SJ and Panda. First time shopping with SJ. And also been a long time since i last shop with panda. Nice feeling. :)

After that more happening liao...hehe...i went out with ah beng. :P He came to fetch me....and he say he and his friends meeting at Borders. :0 ......hehehe.....i didn't know he and his gang will go borders read books....i went with him lor. An ok outing, getting to know new people, first time see him smoke.....hm......the way he smoke very style sia.....hahaha....i think i am crazy. :P

A good ah beng

2006-11-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

What are the qualities of a good ah beng?
Simple. He looks ah beng, but has good personalities.

The Staff gathering today is a total waste of time. Taking a big bus with only 10 people in it, sitting around dark open slope feeding mosquitoes, eating not so nice food in the dark, dunno got flies inside or not. Couldn't find any sweet stuff except mashmallows. The only good thing is maybe having 3535 to come pick me up.

I am touched....by what the ah beng has done. I dunno it's just faking or for show. Maybe i should say...i appreciate it. Thank you. I should really get him a mickey mouse earring. :D

Another piano accompaniment thingy tomorrow. Haiz.....this time really not prepared. Did not have enough time to practise for it. DUnno how to smoke thru tomorrow. :( Have not touch guitar for days. Tomorrow still have guitar prac. how? how?

"Fatherly" guy

2006-11-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

8.15am....hehe...I saw Philip liao.......He came and fetch me from the MRT. Oh.....first time at that school, not so satisfied with my piano part, lotsa wrong notes. :S

Philip, a mature-looking guy. He gave me a sort of "fatherly" feeling. A caring person. First time i felt a mature guy actually can be quite charming hor. hehehe.......He can blow the clarinet quite well wor. If ever i can have the chance to learn clarinet.

Came home, pia my flute exam pieces and accompaniment pieces. 2 hrs of flute and 2 hrs of piano.....i see stars liao.....oops...then guitar how? ahiyo........

tired.....

15 November

2006-11-01T06:51:00.000-08:00

Flute exam in 2 weeks' time. :(
It's earlier than i expect.
Tomorrow going for my first piano accompaniment. Feeling nervous. :S My playing sucks. :(
I need confidence.....need to boost up up up up.......

I need a shoulder......SJ...

Tattoo Guy

2006-10-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

I went out with a guy with a tattoo today. hahahaha...so funny......
He has tinted hair, he has earholes, he has tattoo. Wow...isn't this the ideal guy i am looking for? AND...he is an interior designer....hehe.......a pity too thin........:P

I smell cigarettes......and i ask him a stunning question. And out of nowhere, i ask him if he has tattoo....he was stunned again. :P wah....i know a lot of his secrets.

I could say...he is an interesting person. " ah beng" look, which makes him more COOL. He looks cool when he scold vulgarity, hahaha....... :P D:

I told myself.....maybe i should just stay away from msn....stay away from addiction. Stay away from anything that will remind me of jerk. The old memories still haunt me. And i really dunno what i can do.....in despair....

SJ said i will never forget, I can only get over. The memories are something special for me to keep. Do i really want to forget everything? Or i rather keep it with me? I dunno......

It's a scary feeling to recall the past.....to me.....it's scary......same feeling as how the concourse used to scare me. No one knows it best, except myself.

对不起

2006-10-30T04:24:00.000-08:00

为什么要说对不起？
因为我辜负了很多关心我的人。
爸爸妈妈绝对不希望看到我如此沮丧面对人生。
豆豆多么希望我找到我的幸福。
师兄盼望我找回人生的目标。
SJ希望我乐观一点，放下那个人。
Dog希望我早日忘掉Jerk。

其实有很多关心我的人，这的确是值得感到欣慰的。对不起的是，我到现在还做不到，忘不了，改变不了。自己对自己越来越没有耐心，害怕等待的是一个不可能存在的未来。我不能放弃，因为这不是我的本性，我也不能就这样自暴自弃。可是却感觉到力不从心，快要撑不下去的感觉。

豆豆说，有一则文章提到，人要开心，要多运动、要把每天快乐的事写下来、每天要多笑，最好是大笑。快乐的人会比不开心的人多活九年。

寿命不是我那么关注的一点，但生命是短暂的，是宝贵的，时光匆匆流逝，在不经意中这样溜走了。珍惜，珍惜......

答应SJ不要再想，可是还是提到这个人。因为心里还是很想跟这个人说对不起。对不起，因为我违背了诺言，我说无论结果如何，我们都还是朋友。可是我做不到。一段得来不易、用心苦苦经营的友情，在一瞬间，毁于一旦。

I am quite worried that i will let SJ down. Well, may he be a reminder for me.....serving as a motivation to push me forward.......
Ok...SOmething happy for the day in my blog......

I bought a nice 3/4 pants. :0 Dun think that's something meaningful. :S oh oh.....i gonna do piano accompaniment on Thursday, will get to go Bedok primary, new environment, play piano (something i like), see Philip Han. :P I 've got no idea how he looks, hehe..... Hope it will be a good wk ahead.

Bravissimo Cookies & Cream

2006-10-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

Why is Bravissimo's Cookies and Cream not white colour? It's brown leh......hm.......All others are white leh.

I want to go vivo city's playground and play the merry-go-round round round. Seems fun leh....but that day a lot of people....no chance to play...haiz.......

Want to go ZOO also....who wants to go with me? :(
No one.

Holiday

2006-10-27T03:37:00.000-07:00

How time flies, yesterday was the last day of school. The very last time i stand infront of my form class, talking to them. They've indeed grown up. ( a bit :P) I already know they will be spread across 4 express classes next year. So, did feel sad that i wun have the chance to see them together as a class next year. Whehter i will get to teach Sec 2 classes next yr is still an unknown. :S But i seriously dun look forward to being co-form teacher of F1-4 next year. Eeks....i dun like that form teacher lah. duh......

Read SH's blog 2 days ago and was again inspired by what he said. Indeed, a friendship needs lots of efforts from both sides. Do friendship just come and go? It can be forever if we really try hard and be sincere about it. It needs maintenance.

One friendship that i want to maintain well, is of course the one with someone who talks to me in msn every night. :D D: SJ, i think u really put in effort in knocking sense into me. And you do your best in pulling me out of my pessimistic mind. Of course everything needs time, it can't change overnight. I just hope u have enough of the patience to stand by me, till the day u see me improve.:) You will do that right? hehe......

Actually..long long time ago i had a quite gd fren who also try all his efforts in consoling me. But he did not have the patience to see me improve. And our frenship turns sour. And...after a long time, I stand on my feet again. But he becomes a total stranger to me le. I lost this friend. :(

Dunno can consider it as a promise. But....i will write it down "green and white", keke, remember, SJ, if ever u need comfort or a shoulder, I will always be here. Must come to me hor. And.....i will go to you...if i need one. :P :) Hook hook little finger. :D

Mum and Dad comes home

2006-10-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Mum and Dad is Backed!!! :D
So happy....i dun have to do hosuework anymore. hehe.

Watch Death Note with RJ today. A nice movie. The God of Death eats nothing but apples. So cute. The "L" is cool. I like guys who;s so stylo when eating chocolates and pastries. ANd he used lollipop to stir his drink.....wah...........COOL !!! :P

Law mentioned him......and i was disturbed. Though recently i was very disturbed by my thots. I cannot deny that i miss him. Thinking of how he getting along, what he doing then....... recalling the days.....those were the days.......which were gone....... I cannot miss him le.....i shouldn't. :(

Having someone to care for me, calls me , is actually a nice thing. But i felt irritated when someone did that to me. How come? :S

Housewife

2006-10-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

These few days, feels like a housewife, doing household chores, buying fruits in supermarket... :S
2 days of washing only......hands a bit rought rough leh.....like going to peel liao. My fragile hands. :S

Went to White Dog Cafe yesterday.....nice name...but food not that nice. It's very EX! :S And the service there not so good. Vivo city yesterday was horrible. People mountain People Sea.....see already giddy.

Decided to get away from that place, so Dog, Moh and me went PS. I went e-base, in search something. poor Moh had to wait for me and dog to try. hehehe.....

开始想念，真是太不应该了。：（
怎么办？
That day when we went Mt Faber...to see the Christmas tree, that moment when the bus was stuck for an hour, that moment when we walked home, that moment when u sms me at 6.30am. That last day of 2005......seemed liked a dream.......if i could just die in that dream. Never to wake up, never to face reality.......

一个人在家的感觉

2006-10-20T06:33:00.000-07:00

不喜欢一个人在家的感觉。也许是太久没有一个人在家了，真的很不习惯。拥有了四天的自由，但又害怕自由。害怕着寂寞，却又拒绝别人的邀请。我到底是在干什么？：（

“我想我可以习惯一个人生活”......很久没有听到这首歌了。我以后就要面对这样的生活了，我能够习惯吗？

Is my blog my only friend whom i can talk to? I dun like to bug my friend.Cos i know i can get "sticky" to certain person. I dun want the few friends i have to get irritated with me.But i"ve got only a few friends......

活到一大把年纪，才发现自己害怕很多东西。为什么现在才感到畏惧？为什么现在才害怕？

After watching "After School", felt sad about the ending. Watching a sad movie makes me sad........need to watch something happy to cheer myself up.

Wrapping a present

2006-10-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

Been a very very long time since I last wrap presents. Used to wrapped a lot of presents for my friends. And now i've stopped doing that. Afraid to "give" , cos i dun wanna get disappointed. Maybe a young heart is really more sincere than an old one. At least the young ones are more willing to give anything, irregardless of whehter they will get hurt or any other subsequent consequences.

老早忘了我抱礼物的专长，忘了我在设计和相像方面的小小才能。昨天，恍然之间，让我找回了遗失的自己。短短的一小时，简单的几份礼物，竟让我有这般满足感。我的手真的有如他们所形容的这般巧吗？从事精品店的行业会不会是一个更理想的满足？那一刹那，真的好开心。原来抱礼物能使我这么开心。：）

Mum and Dad will be going to Shanghai tomorrow. Mum is worried that i wun eat well. She's been stacking and storing lots of food in fridge and cupboard so that i wun starve myself. That sounds a bit ridiculous. But i know she really cares about me.How am I going to go thru these 4 days? :( The feeling of not having mama and papa at home is just not good. Alamak....I am behaving like a baby. :S

Actually Not feeling that good today. Just an "empty" feeling. My heart and life full of empty holes? Well...i guess it's really based on my own perspectives.

Unlucky day also, that freaking monster complain about me and i have to remove my angel tattoo. :( Hate her....damn it....... Hate school lah.....I have to obey school rules. Really hate it. I want tattoo...i want pink, purple and green hair!

8 years...first time i cried infront of him

2006-10-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

It was an ok day for me until the mooncake thing.

A usual practise day. I stayed for the mooncake thing. Had fun playing Chip and Dale with SJ. A pity he left after the games, i wished he could have stayed for the walk.

My mind was peaceful until he came. I just got very sad upon seeing him. My heart sank. And tears started rolling. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I didn't know he was behind me. And i kept wiping away my tears. Until i could stand it no longer. How i wish SJ was there. I left.....crying......and thot of looking for old pal at cfa. He didn't know what happen, but did not turn me away. For the first time, out of the 8 years we known each other, i cried infront of him. Hope i did not scare him. And he ask me a question" Is he really so good?" And this question seemed funny. Of course my immediate answer was "No".

The rest came back cfa before i could cry my hearts out. I can only hid myself inside the toilet. But my eyes were still red. :(

Later, went home....on the way....i called SJ (*knowing SJ has been constantly reading my blog, really wanna thank you. :) Thank you for talking to me and cheering me up. Really appreciate that. *)

在回家的路上，经过了街边一排对我来说从不起眼的树木。一棵大树，在我经过时，悄悄放开了它支撑许久的枯叶。落叶从我面前飘落，让我不自觉地抬头望了望这一棵树。一棵我从来没有察觉到它的存在的树，今天，我看了它一眼。

落叶有如我沮丧的心，一层一层地落到谷底，很深很深的深渊。时间过了这么久，为什么想起他还是会难过？而且是非常非常难过。：（不是已经告诉了自己要坚强吗？为什么还是做不到？我是不是很失败呢？

如果不曾让我遇见你

2006-10-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

如果不曾让我遇见你，今天就不会有伤感。到了那里，景物依旧。但留连脑海的，尽是那天和你度过的每分每秒，还有之后我们度过的每分每秒。你在我不经意中，悄悄偷走我的心。
一颗叫“傻瓜”的心。它努力地留在你身边，尽力奉献自己。可是，你那一颗叫“无情”的心，却给予一个冷漠的回答。傻瓜的世界乌云密布，下起雨了。
无奈的，我只有承认。我是真地爱上了你。

The Feeling With Jason

2006-10-11T03:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Jason hurt himself while riding the bike. Haiyo....poor thing.
But yesterday he did not get angry during lesson. Cos i got practise my flute. :P He was so chatty yesterday....but i was too concussed to carry on the conversation. We heard Chopin's Norturne in E flat major at the other studio. I suddenly remember once upon a time i could play it quite well. Haiyo.....now dunno if i can still play it. :S
After lesson we sat at the corridor and look at the noticeboard. A short 5 mins.....but it was a peaceful and eased feeling. :) NExt month we gonna work on the Diploma exam pieces le. Hehe.......always feel it's a nice combi with him when we play songs together. It's always a nice feeling. :)

Feel great also to have SJ chatting with me on msn every night. Thot i might not have a chat mate anymore. But.....lucky me, I got a considerate and nice chat mate. :) It's always nice to share the day's happening with him, and also having him telling me how his day was...hee....:P

Feeling Sad Today

2006-10-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Why do i feel sad?

Why am i scare of loneliness?

Why am i running in vicoius cycle in spite of my effort in getting out of it?

我真的很害怕。不只害怕寂寞，更是害怕未来。心是灰的，心里的天空灰灰的。做什么事都提不起劲。我到底是怎么了？

LS and A are always together, they have each others company, that's why they dun feel the loneliness. For me and doudou, i guess she will be real busy with her partner soon. By that time.....really dunno where to look for her when i need a fren. SHe knows me best. But frens come and go. Chemistry come and go too. Nothing is forever. There might be lots of chemistry bet certain people. But as time goes by, reaction gets lesser. U either need a catalyst or u find new reaction from others. So...is this reality?

I am lost in my direction once more. Couldn't find my way back. Not young anymore, and i am clear that that wun be any prince coming my way. I am not Snow white, I am not the lead in the fairy tales. Fairy tales dun exist in real life, that's why it's call a Fairy tale.

为什么会有一种一无所有的感觉？前一阵子不是好好的吗？
我不想做孤魂野鬼。：（

我还是一个幼稚，喜欢抱娃娃的女生。

中秋节快乐

2006-10-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

又是一年一度的中秋节，今年的中秋，比去年感伤。去年和他一起度过，今年......

Hazzy Mooncake Festival....no moon. :( All that was left was smoke and smoky smell...eeks......月亮不见了。

Mama bought me Pandan mooncake...Yippee!!....Thot i wun have pandan mooncake this year liao. But we went pass Bread Talk and saw pandan mooncakes on 25% discount.....hee...... :P

忽然想起他的样子，终于记得他的样子了。忽然想起他的声音，我到底是怎么了......不远处看见背影和他类似的人，真的想念了。

I think I gonna be scared of every festive season. Once thot i wun be lonely in these festive season again. But, I am back to square one. I know it clearly that i wun be able to find another person who is willing to spend to much time with me. That moment is gone. And it seems.....i dun have the energy to redo everything again with another person. I do not have the energy to put in the same amt of effort to give my everything to that person. Haiz........thinking too much again. :(

Ocarina

2006-10-04T03:41:00.000-07:00

Took out the ocarina to practise. Have left it aside for 2 mths since i returned from Japan. Still did not play it well.....pretty horrible actually. :S

While my guitar gently weeps.....this song still rings in my mind.......I used to tell dou dou about whoever buys me certain"Wonderful soft toys", I shall marry him. I have not been saying this for the last 2 yrs. Maybe for a change..... I shall say....."Whoever plays this song to me, I shall marry him."....hehehe...:P

Was in a long queue just now to buy the Raffles Hotel mooncake. Wah........in the end realise, no need to queue, unless i want the champagne mooncake......duh. And in the end the flavour i bought was not so fantastic afterall. :S

During inviligation, my class boys were funny......they have lots of spare time as they finished the paper too fast(actually they can't do the paper). And they started their nonsense, playing with strings, erasers and even electronic dictionary. I can't help laughing. :P

人相处久了，一定会有感情的。当要面临分离时，却又那么难受。天下无不散的宴席，终有一天，各自分道扬镳，朝着不同方向而去。多年以后，擦肩而过，大家可能已经是陌路人。

Been a Bad Day

2006-10-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

I realise I am really lousy. :(

Felt very tired today......struggle my way to flute lesson. And realised i missed the audition for the annual concert next year. And i never practise my exam pieces, Jason was not very happy liao. His words were a bit harsh. I said nothing....could only felt tears gathering in my eyes, getting ready to charge any moment. Maybe Jason sense it, he changed his tone and tried to be nice to me.

SO old liao, why still get hurt over few words? Silly me.
But, becos i care, that's why I am sad. I wanted to play my flute well.....but i feel so tired.....too tired to practise. I still have to do piano accompaniment for Jason's Dip exam. He's taking a risk in trusting me to do it for him, I cannot let him down. And i want to do it, it's a challenge to me. But.......time.......

我的毒还没有解，心里还是乱成一团。我不喜欢这样。：（

1 cat + 2 kittens = 3 Cats
I saw 2 new kittens in my neighbourhood. And also a new cat......where they come from? hm......

中毒

2006-10-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

中毒！中了什么毒？:(
神经错乱菌...... :S

Writing blog...in a way...I want to write down certain things. In case....years later...i dun recall them. Since there's limited capacity in the human brain, then why do i still want to forget some things. Will i regret when i really forget it one fine day. If i really want to forget, then why am i writing it down as a record?

Writing is a way to express my suppressed emotions. And for me, a person with little words, i guess writing is the best way to voice out certain things which i will never ever say it out. Maybe not such a bad idea to write a blog afterall. :)

If......a picture paints a thousand words.......he failed to get my hint, but i got his hint. Kind of disappointed......oh well......不由自主地感到几许伤感。

Doudou called me in the afternoon, she's kinda worried about me after seeing my sms last Fri. Really nice to have her with me all these years. Been 15 yrs that we know each other. And all these while, she's there for me.......

Been quite motivated to practise flute after hearing 178 's sax.....hehe.....looking forward to the day when we can play flute and sax together. :)

While my guitar gently weeps

2006-10-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

Jake Shimabukuro's Ukele
Jake Shimabukuro is well known in Hawaii for playing the ukele. This clip shows him playing George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", totally amazing!

http://my.break.com/Media/View.aspx?ContentID=118211

What a nice song......SJ sent me this link. When i heard it for the first time.....i cried.....dunno why.......but it was really nice...and it touches my heart.......Really amzaing....i didn't know Ukelele can produce such nice music. Must really save this link. :)

It's better to be friends

2006-10-01T06:36:00.000-07:00

I guess it's really better to be friends......tidying my things....and saw so many things that he gave me ....the cute eraser, dang gui.....and the free gift orange container we both had. I thot of him again.....He msn me.....but i ignored.....not that I dun care about him.....not that i dun want to talk to him. Just that i dun want to see his nick. And he's now happy and well.....dun need me anymore. And yah......thot of him.....i am sad again.....

I wrote something in a way that 某某人wun understand. And true enough....he didn't catch it. Good that he didn't catch it. Dog ah......u came up with this idea and really makes my mind runs wild :S. But....if really there's the chance...i really want to have that neoprint. It might really look nice. But i should drop this stupid idea, since he ......

It's nice to have good friend. And may it stay this way.....if we happen to go further...and it did not turn out, the ending will be sad. Real sad. And then, i might lose another good friend. I've already lost one. One which was so precious to me. And it hurts......when i finally have to give up everything. So.......friends........friends.....

Sax at ECP

2006-09-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

Finally heard his sax. :)

I should say he's really charming on the sax......wah.........hehehe........
And we went there by a pick-up....hehehe...interesting sia.
Learnt something today.....go ECP must bring newspaper. keke......we went into the carpark without any lamp posts. wah........exciting. hahahaha.....
ENjoyed myself in this one hour free music.....it's really nice.....to have a life solo sax performance by him.

Sanrio midnite sale.....never go in the end....wasted sia......
Dog mention that if i ever go and take Neoprint with him, it will look real nice. I also think so. But ....think not possible le. SO i better not think so much.Talk to dog too much about him......that's why will miss him.
Why ask him along?

当眼泪落在 Hippie 身上

2006-09-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

忽然觉得很难过，心又开始想念了。
你应该不会有同样的心情，你应该是过得很开心，开心地忘了有“慧芬”这个人的存在。说好要努力忘了你，尽管如此的努力，还是做不到。

天使任务早已结束，我已经卸下了天使的职责，不再默默守护你，不再为你做任何事。可是，心里还怀念着执行使命的那段日子。

那时哭的时候，你替我擦去眼泪，叫我不要哭。而在这一瞬间，哭泣时，你已不知去向。眼泪一滴一滴地落在 Hippie 的身上。它可曾感应到“主人”内心的痛？

Remembered how hard my frens tried to console me and encourage me. I shouldn't let them down. 累了...怕了...输了......

Trust is built over time, yet destroyed in glimpse

2006-09-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

Been dropping tears these few days while watching drama series. Silly me......
The scene......the gal was crying, saying...trust is built over time, yet her trust was completely destroyed in split second.
WHy is it so fragile? So much effort is put into yet. Yet....it can't withstand any blow. And it's gone just liked that.

I trust people easily. My frens, my parents, my students. In a way....i should say i am silly. Am i too naive? I think trusting students too easily is really silly. :( I think they are more cunning than me.

WHy is it that in TV, the couples will bump into each other so easily? DO such thing really happen? Or it only happens on TV? I dunno.......SOmewhere in time......he saw me twice.......i became third party......in the end....i am still alone. Well.....i shouldn't recall anything now. knock knock my head.......:S

Been having nice conversation with SJ lately. I didn't know we can actually chat a lot. :) whoah...at least got someone say i am adorable and talented. He thinks so highly of me wor. SO touched... :) It's a nice feeling to have someone willing to lend a hand....helping a lost kitten. Thanks SJ......* haha...who knows....one fine day i might start to like guys with Big EYes*....hehehe....(joking :P)

This green colour seems ok.....hehehe.....Saw SH's blog few days ago.....SOmething that i'd like to do for the rest of my life......an inspiring blog. I want to do MUSIC.....for the rest of my life. Definitely not teaching. 3 years later, after my bond, i dunno if i will still teach. I want to further my studies in music. Life is short. I want to learn as many things as i can in my available years.

Teaching gives me more dejection than satisfaction. And i dunno if i can still hang on there. I dun want to end up in IMH :S. Music is something i enjoyed....but.....it's a tough journey, the practising hours.....the expressions, the techniques. DO i have the ability to do that?

Do not Hesitate, just go for it........think somemore, really dun have the chance liao lor. :) Wish myself luck.....hehehe/......

你摸了它们，要负责任哦

2006-09-24T03:12:00.000-07:00

2oth & 21st September:
I survived thru the perfomances at Esplanade Concourse. phew.......
I guess i played badly, but i was in the second row, no one can spot my mistakes...hehe.:P

178 came on the first performance, so happy ...:) We went Mac to buy dinner....then we ate the fries...I was choosing a soft one....and touched many of them....and he said"你摸了它们，要负责任哦" . hehe....for a moment....i was really amused. Of course i will be resposible lor. :P

Had a good chat with RJ and dog after the performance. And RJ was real funny....made me laugh liked hell......hehe......thank you my friends.......thank you for being there when i needed u ...... :) :)

Came Friday....i missed the chance to listen to his sax again.....alamak...when will i get the chance to listen to it? And my stupid eye was swollen again, kena infection. How come that eye always get infected. Morning woke up, it was damn swollen and ugly. In the end i took MC and wasted 30 bucks to see doctor.

Saturday ....i broke my own record......i think i mark 7 stacks of essays...whoah......oh my.......

Exposed

2006-09-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

It seems that quite a number of my students have been reading my blog. And it might now be a place where i have to be careful with my words and expression of emotions.

16th September, Sat:
I missed the chance to hear him play saxophone leh. He's got a new nick, 178. :)

17th September, Sun:
Trying hard to control my emotions while practising. And music has really make us feel better. The song is not just a song. It's really in both of us. It's something i dun even know how to put it in words. A nice stroll in the drizzle under the "holy" umbrella. Maybe it's a nice weather, so both of us are in good mood, nice ambience. :) A pity......

And today, a stressful Monday. Back in school after N-level marking. Jia latz siaz. :( Horrible load of markings stacking up. And now i am still writing blog, aiyo......
And how about the wed and thurs performance coming up ? die liao lah......haven master all the songs yet. I really wonder how i am going to smoke thru it.

The Truth Hurts

2006-09-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 13 Sept.
I was hurt again. It added on to the injury. Another blow fell on me. And i collapsed. Should i write all these down? And i remind myself of all these sad things again and again each time i enter my blog?

Panda and SJ encouraged me.......and i really appreciate that. How am i going to face the usual things......i really dunno. I lsot completely.

This morning i kept thinking, should i go on with it? Play with him? Duet is duet? No....duet is not just duet.......it's not just simply duet. It's not just the playing.

In a dilenma......thinking and thinking, and thot maybe i should sms him about that question. And well.....he sms me at that moment, the same question that i was going to ask. And he thanked me for my decision. That song keep ringing in my head.....and it just seem......the song is asking me not to give it up. 如果真的放弃了，真的是非常非常可惜的。

无可奈何，我必须放弃。放弃了我这几年最在乎的人。放弃了最伤我的心的人。他从此在我的脑海和电脑里消失。我把他从我的脑海和电脑里删除了。我不知道以后会怎样面对他，也不知道我们是不是就这样结束了。只能把一切看开，竭尽所能地把他忘记。梦里不再有他，心里不再有他。

从伤痛中站起来对我来说并不容易，我不知道我的伤么时候才会康复。心里的伤口一直在流血，流啊流啊......不知道什么时候才会停止。

农历七月快要结束了，我也快要回家了。回了之后，你再也不会看到我了，明年我还会在这里吗？我也不知道了。再见，松毅......

Little Man

2006-09-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

10th Sept, Sunday.
Should i celebrate?
It's been 4 mths. Been 4 mths since he killed me completely.
Second duet practise....it was progressing. But it's hard to be his duet partner. How can he say he is always alone at home when his sms come non-stop.He's not the pathetic one. I am. I felt sad......

11th Sept,Monday:
Little Man...nice wor.....a funny movie......Watch it with YS. A nice and secure person, who will walk me to the bus stop. :)

Ugly Hairstyle

2006-09-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

27th Aug, Sunday:
I just wanted to trim my hair. But my idiot hairstylist cut it damn short. I look so toot. I gonna hide at home for the next 2 weeks.
He told me it looks a bit cute. And he said it's not ugly. Even if enver grow back, still pretty. Was i ever so pretty in his eyes? i really wonder. Or he thinks he do me too much harm that he needs to be nice to me for the rest of my life so taht he wun feel so guilty?
I can only be nasty to him. I can't bring myself to be nice to him again. He might be having fun with another gal now. WHy can't i just forget?

Bohemian Rhapsody, we practised it, and i was back in his room again. Been nearly 4 mths since the last time i went. And that was before he discard me. The past memories haunt me again. I am scare......

1st September: Teachers' Day
Received some presents from my students. So nice of them, i was really touched. :)
A good holiday for me....hide myself at home becos of my super ugly hair. :( haiz.......
And.....though not so free....i am still thinking about him. Damn it!

I guess he will never read about what i wrote, he was never interested in reading my blog in the first place. He wanted to understnad how i felt. And he thought he already did. But he will never understand. Cos he dun bother to read my feeling, read my mind. And now...i guess it's already no point doing that. Heart is gone? Heart was never here? Whether or not, it can't change anything anymore.

I dun ask "How's your day?" anymore. He can say sian hundreds of times. I will jsut let him write. Cos no pont consoling him. I am not capable of doing that. And all i can do, i already did. Run out of all resources, totally drained. "Xiongyi"......my poor teddy, u must be feeling very lonely now, being neglected and cast aside at a dark corner of the room.

爱，断了线

2006-08-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

剪不断的思念
挥不去的依恋
爱，断了线

心是灰的
天是黑的
魂是死的

云放弃了自己
变成了雨
雨放弃了自己
躲进了大地
最后剩下的只是太阳的笑脸
猛烈地照着大地
它赢了

但也有那么一天
太阳累了
休息了
乌云出来了
雨又复活了
谁都有机会发挥
我的什么时候才会来？

今天的伤心，又是因为你。每次都是因为你，我应该怎么控制自己？
我要疯掉了，真的。我不要过这样的生活。真的好累好累。

因为还有爱，心依然还在

2006-08-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

这里或许是一个温暖的避风港
虽然你一心想要流浪
就像停泊的渡轮准备快要启航
却不知你会去向何方

因为还有爱
心依然还在
逼着自己离开
心却不肯走开

给你爱是我幸福的存在
不再爱是我最大的悲哀
给你我禁有的爱
让它带给你一丝光亮
在你寂寞的世界里
守护你的每一天

做你的朋友很辛苦

2006-08-13T03:57:00.000-07:00

做你的朋友很辛苦，但若是从此不再理你，我会很痛苦。
我掩饰不了心中的难过，心中的痛苦。你又再一次地问我：“做我的朋友真的那么辛苦吗？”
我没有办法给你答案。因为，真的是很辛苦，可是我却不想让你知道。这心中的矛盾缠绕着我，让我无比的难受。若是不再拥有你在我的身边，我想我会很痛苦，非常非常痛苦。

Dog asked me:"Were you a more innocent and happy Huifen before u are with him?" My answer is yes. Why did i become like this. I become evil, narrow-minded. Having uncontrollable emotions. This is not what i want to be. Where did the kind and innocent and gentle Huifen go to? I am scared......really scared :(

Yes, i still hope to play a duet with you. Cos we did not do a very great one that time. And it might be the last time to have "the thing we do together". I still want to treasure it.

I scolded you cos u keep telling that "pissed off word". I hate that word. You never know what i am going thru, it's liked hell. It's worse than death. I want to stand up again, but i keep stumbling down. Just liked a helpless kitten. I need a helping hand. Anyone ...please help me...........

Helen the Baby Fox

2006-08-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

National Day

I thought i could watch this movie. But it's not showing anymore.What a pity. iw anted very much to watch this movie with you.

It was not a very happy national day though. Why didn't u wait for me at the control station? Was it so difficult for you to wait for me for just a few minutes? Been a long long time since i last read books with you. That day...once again....we were at borders, looking for sun zi bing fa. 36 strategies to use in business, interesting. A nice "dinner" at Dome. Then we watch "Click".

I wanted to see fireworks. We thot we might not make it to go uo to Mount faber, so we went to Marina Square to watch it. Waited for 25 mins.....no fireworks :(

I wanted to wait a while more, but u wanted to go. sigh.......after that u didn't even ask me....and straight away looking for the way home. I guess i can't expect u to keep me company all the time. So i ask you to go home first. And u left.

Why can't i just forget everything. I really really hope to forget everything...EVERYTHING! Erase all my memories .......never ever let it come back to me again......never ever again.

I hate the sight of you and her together. I will hate this sight if i ever saw it. So.....i shall pray hard that i shall never see it.

I wanted very much to forget

2006-07-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

22 July Sat

We went to watch movie: Nacho Libre
Been a very long time since we last watch movie together. We met in the afternoon to go cfa together. Cos you have to return 2 guitars, i offered to help u to carry one. We wanted to watch 2 movies. But in the end we have time only for one. After the movie, we ate Ben & Jerry ice-cream. I enjoyed myself that day. You said u enjoy it too. Nice to hear that.

Today, we actually gonna watch "Helen the baby fox". But i dunno why.....i got sad again yesterday. You said we better dun meet, cos i will be sad again. If u can stop telling me how guilty you were, i would have felt less sad. Just stop reminding me of the sad things, please......

And i cry and cry...stupid tears....can't seem to stop. But something came to my mind, if i gonna die tomorrow, I wun want the last thing that i do, is to still be angry with you. If I am going to die, the last thing that i want to do, is to spend time with you, watch movie with you, eat ice-cream with you. Play with Ooki and Sukoshi with you. Ooki and Sukoshi miss you. :(

Back from Japan

2006-07-20T05:39:00.000-07:00

9 days went pass. And I am back in Singapore again. It's a great accomplishment as I learnt how to take a plane....ALONE. :S

But i felt sad after i came back. Guess it's not a good feeling to come back to reality. First 3 days of homestay in Tsu city, for no reason we were in the same host. And that freaking slope gave us the chance to hold hands once again. Been really a very long time.......since we last hold hands. Next 3 days of hostel in Kyoto, we watched TV together on the last nite. Why did i sit down when he asked me to.......why did i stay when he ask me to stay? Last 3 days at Fujinomiya, on the last day, we sat together on the buy, playing with Hippie, Miruki, Oki and Scoshi. We were so close then. Then we went 7-eleven......we share pudding and ice-cream....and it seemed back to the past. Later he helped me to bring my luggage down. He was with me all these while.

But......when we were back......i did not forgive him. I felt very very sad, and he is the main cause. Oki is still with him. Is it that i really dun want to see him? I really dunno. I really dun want to talk to him? I dunno.......

Just let me forget everything, i want the past to be erased. PLEASE.......

* 2nd July, da shu and me started. Though unsure, it just happened. Till now, i am still confused. :(

First Word: Sian

2006-06-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

His every converstaion start off with a :"sian man".

What the hell......if you feel sian then talk to me. Then what am I? Did u asked what time i got home? A sincere friend wun start off a conversation with :sian. Can't you just start off like the others using :"hello", Idiot you.

If you ever get to read this, which is quite unlikely, let me tell you. I cannot act liked you and pretend nothing has ever happened. And be liked in the past. It's IMPOSSIBLE. You forgotten about what we had, but i have not. U think i can heal in 2 mths? then you are utterly wrong. Bastard .

Falling Blossoms Winter Tears

2006-06-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

Falling Blossoms Winter Tears......

Saw this phrase while i was at Esplande in the afternoon. It was a lonely stroll at the esplanade. The escalator which makes me recall 2 years back when i first saw him and her. The Concourse which reminds me about last year, when i first known he's hers. I have been haunted by these places all this while. For now.....i am not sure, it just reminds me of all these, but do they still haunt me?

My students commented that my new hair colour is nice. wah.....Nice to hear that. I was quite surprise, my sec 2 boy finds me "sexy", oh my, he used that word. Am I?

Those monkeys said they dunno i was looking at them cos my hair was covering my eyes. Wah lao, liked that also can. Win already lor.

大叔蛮关心我的。他知道我这几天肚子不舒服，便再三嘱咐我要去看医生。至少他在百忙之中，还会抽出时间和精力关心我。谢谢大叔！下一个约会，我们要吃雪糕了！太棒了！在我去日本之前，想和他见个面。因为他让我拥有很平静、安稳的感觉。

I almost shed tears for jerk in the MRT today. Cos i thot of him, thot of the past. And ......我想念他。 :'(

遗忘之都

2006-06-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

让我沉睡在遗忘之都，遗忘不愉快的记忆，离开伤痛，在美梦中，永远不再醒来。

但这绝对是不可能的。人总是无法躲避现实，逃得了一时，逃不了一世。问题还是存在着。面对现实是可怕的，我真的很害怕。

如果这个人完全以自我为中心，那么我还需要和他维持这段友谊吗？他的每一句话完全没有以我为出发点，可见他的自私。

Wah lao...and this type of idiot should just F*** off. Oops......actually i should use this long ago. :P My first time using this word to scold him. Anyway...he teach me one. muahahaha

Grandma

2006-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Finally went to see grandma today. She looks thin....on her wheelchair. It's sad to see her being so lonely, waiting and waiting, for people to visit her. Cooping at a dark corner of the ward, she can't move about freely, she can't go anywhere. There's a plaster on her hand, wonder what happened to her ...... She was happy to see mum and me, she ate the hor fun we brought her and also the tapioca kuey. She looks cute with her pink billabong hat. :)

On the way to the elderly home, I realise it was very near GM, Lorong ah soo, actually I went there for course before. it was only today that i know the home is so near GM. During the drive, mum asked me about "J", she said he was an honest boy. At least he told me the truth. Well......indeed, he was an honest boy. Or an honest jerk?

oh, i bought a tube dress today, can wear it for my next date with da shu le....:P
it was great to know him, expecially at this point of time when i am still fragile and need lots of love to heal my broken heart. he cuddle me like I am a little kitten. It's really something that i want to thank him from the bottom of my heart. Even if in the end it did not work out for us. And i think it might not work out, cos he's looking for wife, and I am definitely not being able to be a good wife for the time being, still a playful kitten.

Dad was funny today.....he was going to smell if the orange was not fresh. In the end the nose touched the juicy orange fresh. :P Then he was talking about the banana, but end up calling it papaya. Mum said he was definitely thinking about papaya when talking to me. hehehehe......I know his memory is failing, he said he getting old le. I am getting old too. Eversince his operation, he has become very caring and considerate. He's no longer hot-tempered and fierce person. Being born in a traditional family, we dun have the habbit of hugging parents and tell them we love them. but deep deep down in my heart, i really wanted to give mama and papa a great hug....hugz hugz........

20/06/2006

2006-06-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

19/06/06: Monday

He msn me....It was a great surprise. I thot we would just keep silence for the rest of our lives. He's still my friend. I did not ignore him. though i felt we might need more time to cool down. It was a frenly message. His tone was as usual....the same old tone. And the next day, he also msn me ...asking me about the movie.

20/06/2006: Tuesday

It was a sweet day with 太阳树，and i gave him a new nickname that day "大叔".
He was late for half an hour lor....but he did apologise. We had dinner at crystal jade. Actually wanted to play hide and seek with him, but we did not have time, need to catch "Silent Hill" at 9.40pm. It was a nice conversation with him during dinner. Then we went to the petshop to see bunnies...oooh....cute bunnies.
The movie ended at 12am....oooh....he kept the tics leh....or else i can keep one, special date leh. he sent me home after that......a nice day sia....:) :D

*今天终于把他替我换的琴弦拆掉了，他绑了很多个结，我拆得好辛苦。终于把琴弦拆了，但是，拆不掉的，却是他绑在我心中的千千结。

父亲

2006-06-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

今天是父亲节。和爸爸一起吃了丰富的午餐，其实是一件很幸福的事。送了爸爸一张龙猫卡片，卡片里的龙猫撑着伞，四平八稳地站着。这有如爸爸，无论多大的风浪，他都屹立不倒，为我们挡风遮雨，这就是我心中伟大的爸爸。美丽的星期天，与家人度过了一整天，家庭的温馨洋溢，可是我很想念他。：（

心里又在下雨了。为什么？我以为我已经方下了。可是我很想念他，怎么办？好想好想他。为什么太阳树无法取代他在我心里的位置？为什么我还念着一个不复存在的人？想着想着就哭了。

其实我对爱情已经没有了信心。一个男人可以对很多女人许下很多承诺，但下一秒钟可能全都无效。这是多么可怕的一件事。人随时都会变，也可以说人天天都在变，事事无永恒，不可能会有天长地久的。熙熙攘攘的人群中，谁会是我未来的另一伴？也可能这个人永远也不会出现，也许我这一世没有福气享有一段真诚的爱，只盼下辈子投胎，再寻找前世未了缘。

Strings

2006-06-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

Change alto guitar strings.....makes me recall...half year back when u helped me to change strings during music camp. We were in the room...i was lazing and sleeping, while u were changing the strings. 我舍不得把它拆掉。因为是你帮我换的琴弦，对我来说不单单是六条弦，是非常有纪念价值的弦。

Panda say she's going to night safari today. And i recalled....again....that time when we were at night safari. It's my first time there. It was the day i found your photo with her. It was the first time i cried in your room....u didn't know that. It was thefirst time i lean on your shoulder.....and tears drop on your shoulder....u didn't know that either. We wun have the chance to go night safari again.......

State of confusion

2006-06-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

I must be out of my mind today. I ask tree out for supper. Of course he never turn me down. Upon seeing him the second time, A weird feeling came........ it seems liked...he's not the one afterall. He seemed too mature for me. I like younger guys. oh my......what's wrong with me.

Supper at Fong seng, i should say it'a an enjoyable one. Then he sent me home...walk me up. Nice hor.....been a real long time since the last time a guy sent me home. We chatted happily in the car.....the fish....and the body sticker. :P

I missed laksa. Oh my, what's wrong with me. Missing a person who's change......the person i miss no longer exist. It's the old laksa whom i miss. And he no longer exists. He's the only one whom when i saw him at first sight, i know he's the one i want to love. I guess he can only live in my memory......till the day i die, bury it with me.

开始不懂了

2006-06-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

为什么到了这个年龄，开始对人生一些事情感到疑惑？成长、成熟，就应该对人事更加明确，更懂得面对事情。为什么我却一片茫然，不知所措？

我不想成为全职家庭主妇！这样的结局太可怕了。虽然有很多伟大的母亲为了子女放弃事业，放弃理想，但我现在却觉得这样很可怕。也许我还没准备好这一刻，毕竟我还没到谈论婚嫁的阶段。

什么是爱情？最终往往和你思守到老的人，并不是你最爱的人。这样自己最爱的人算是什么？过客？回忆？梦想？童话？怎么又知道那个人是自己的最爱？而到底哪一个人是能和自己过一辈子的人呢？大家都说。。。凭感觉。。。天啊！如果是错觉呢？那么一生就毁掉吗？

人生目标？在年少时就应该找到自己的目标吗？我到现在还没有一个明确的目标。隐隐约约想跟随兴趣，但是兴趣不能当饭吃。一旦兴趣变成了收入的来源，它就不再是兴趣了。它就不再是一个你喜欢的东西了。它便成了负担。曾经热爱华文，但现在后悔了。为什么会这样呢？如果有机会选择，我不会再主修华文。

我曾经答应过你，无论结果怎么样，我们都还会是朋友。现在这个过渡期，我需要时间疗伤、调整心情。所以我唯一能做的，最是暂时不理睬你。从另一个角度，或许我真的要感谢你，是你让我回归现实，是你让我成长，让我睁大眼睛看待事物，让我的视野更豁达。我并没有怪你，你依然留在我心中的一个很深的角落。

现在我更懂得珍惜我身边的人，亲人、朋友。在这一个月里，真的看到了关心我的人，他们为我担心，同时也尽全力开解我、安慰我。小猫可以重新站起来了！

虽然我还是一个蛮脆弱的女孩，但我会学习独立，使自己更坚强。也希望在我平凡的生命里，会出现一颗能够保护我的大树。

Almost Love

2006-06-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

I gonna meet kev next tuesday, so excited. :P But,,,,,will i be able to recognise him?

Watched "Almost Love" just now. a nice movie. First time watching movie at the new cathay cineplex. Also first time having dinner at Manhanttan Fish. Though i dun find the food that nice.

Why can't i play it well?

2006-06-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

Hm...trying to practise the piano accompaniment pieces, but I can't play it well. Oh dear...my skills so poor...:(

豆豆提起 “ 黄老师”，黄老师说我还有一点孩子气。真要命，为什么我还是长不大呢？比我小的表妹都已经要做妈妈了。而我还是吊儿郎当，还活在童话故事里。我还不想结婚，但是我想穿婚纱。我想在变老之前拍结婚照，可是我的心智还不成熟，根本还没到组织家庭，负起那么大的责任的阶段。结婚是一件可怕的事，这是一辈子的承诺，一辈子的责任。

曾经听过这一首歌： 爱情那棵树

当你失去了爱情又想找回爱情
心中就多一棵树
它慢慢占据你的灵魂
绽放你凋谢的记忆
当你失去了爱情又想找回爱情
多年后那一刻
世界不会改变只是多了谎言
爱情那棵树

One Month

2006-06-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

分手一个月了。虽然心中还是有很多的想念，但是时间已慢慢地冲淡心中的悲痛，血不再流了。好像很久没有见到你了，我想这也是好事。这样对我们彼此都好。你最近过得好吗？真好笑，或许我根本不应该再想这种问题了。真是个傻瓜！

太阳树never sms me today leh, nor did he reply my sms, think he must be out clubbing liao....hehe. Maybe it's just a crush, it will die off soon. If he's really keen, he would have taken action. And i think i have already forgotten how he looks, i wun be able to recognise him.

GSS really makes me giddy. Shop until i feel so tired. It's better to go shopping on normal days. At least people wun crowd with you or knock onto you or something.

A 28 year old old lady. Yet mum still want to ask me who sent me sms. That's a bit ridiculous. I am old enough to have my own privacy. Why can't she respect me on that.

Friendship is not easy to handle too. I am not a person who can handle a lot of frenship at one go. How to maintain it well? It also needs effort. And i am not skilful enough to handle all these.

人往往在失去的时候，才懂得去珍惜

2006-06-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

人往往在失去的时候，才懂得去珍惜，但为之已晚。

Was in the car with Esther and her hubby, and her hubby mention that "people dun treasure what they have, until the day they lose it". Indeed, that's human nature. Though we are consicous of this, we never did treasure the things around us. And still.....till the day we finally lose it, we regret.....but....it will be too late. And this add to one more regret in our life. Isn't it sad. History repeats, mistakes repeat.

Saw 2 sec 2 students of mine at PS, wow, they look mature. While i look like a student. And that person doing survey thot i am 21. :S

It's nice to receive his sms again.....it's always sweet to receive sms from 太阳树.A simple sentence" How has your day been?"....though simple, but sweetens my day. Thanks Kev. :) But gosh.....i think i gonna forgot how he looks soon.

我的心开始想你了

2006-06-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

曾经告诉自己不再为你掉下泪滴
最终还是为你落下想念的泪滴
笑看自己的愚蠢
怜惜自己的单纯
泪珠化为涟漪
渗入水的怀里
以为这将会是从此的依靠
以为就可以这样白头到老

Went to a fren's father's wake just now. I felt sad...... life is short, life is unpredictable. He might be here this moment, but the next moment, he might be gone. We never know what will happen tomorrow. Anything can happen, even the most impossible thing. Treasure what u have now......

We were at the bus-stop....it was dunno how many years ago which we waited for bus together at a bus stop. At that time, it was sweet. But now, it was weird. I miss the good old days. I can talk a lot of things with him then. But now....no more. i always thot he can be a real confidante. But people grow, people change. Our frequency no longer tally. And we are now acquaintance only.

On the journey back home, alone one bus 93. I missed him. 93 will pass by his house. Anything that has any link with him, or i should say....there's too many things related to him......and all these remind me of him. I am scare.....i dun want....i dun want.....

华文文化营

2006-06-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

A bad start of the day.....taking NEL, i got elbowed by a lady when i walked down the escalator. Then i thot.....die liao......it might be the start of a bad day. And indeed......

The person who supposed to lend me the Dig Cam went missing . MIA! And i gave the wrong instructions to the teachnician. And i was forced to wear the ugly camp T-shirt. argh!......kill me i also wun wear...muahahaha. And that stupid paper cut me. So pain. :( In the end the dig cam we managed to borrow, was full, and cannot take in anymore photos. haiz......

But it's also quite a sweet day ...... 太阳树 sent an sms early in the morning. And it really was an sms marathon, lasted for the whole day. sweet sia...hehe.

Workaholic?

2006-06-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

I know I definitely wun become a workaholic. But I am sure he is a workaholic :P
Haiyo.....my mind is running wild.

太冲动是不好的。有时候不可以太随性，不是突发奇想，想做什么，就可以去做的。我往往忽略了后果。过于感性，就会变得不实际，这是非常危险的。一不小心，可能会受伤。

I think I am going a bit crazy today. Played flute for 3 hours and piano for 2 hours. In the end i was too tired to play guitar. duh.....

And still in my daydream, that day......it keeps recurring in my mind. "hopeless"...duh... how come like that? Never receive sms from 太阳树 today leh...... :(

I got distinction for my flute exam!

2006-06-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

My tattoo lasted for a week....and now it's peeling, i had to draw it on...duh.... :S

Been a bad day....mama lost her temper for no reason. And i kena a good scolding. A recovering heart, taking another blow again. Teardrops came again. I went wandering in the streets, not knowing where to go.....just knowing, i dun want to go home.

Came home, receive a call from teacher, wah....i got distinction for my flute exam.....at least this brighten my day.

3 persons in a week...thot i am still a student....hehe......good hor.....i still look young....phew....:P

Received his sms on Friday...finally. His hp got problem, so my sms did not get thru that nite. But it's nice to receive his reply....it indeed cheered me up. :) He's someone who i can tell about my thots, someone whom i can share things with. Was indeed surprise that he listens to me so attentively. Cos usually i am the listener. ANd now comes a listener for me ....whoah.........

在我空虚的世界里
出现了一棵太阳树
他为我孤单的画面
增添了一丝生机
让一个灰暗的世界
重现了一道微光
赋予了我生命的他
会不会只是我生命的另一段插曲呢？
有一种奇妙的感觉
我希望他会是留在我心里的太阳树。

Nightclub 1960

2006-06-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

Been quite some time since I last met Law. hehe......today is a fruitful practise, we managed to struggle through 2 pages of Nightclub 1960. Nice song sia. Hope we can really master this piece well.

My mind is still replaying that scene, that day....alamak, it's a curse sia. Kitten likes to be pat......haiyo.....Can't help it, but I guess i kinda miss him. Duh....wake up!

Definition of Cute?

2006-05-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day, it's my happiest day for the past 3 weeks. He make me realise that I can actually let go of the past and start afresh. We went borders, look for the definition of CUTE. And i realise.......the definition was never"ugly but adorable". Who told me that ah? And i actually believe it for dunno how many donkey years....hehe...

Dog inspired me to write something yesterday, though not something great.......

Time can do wonders
Time prove, Time heals
Time can be heartless
Going on and on without waiting for you

Decisions are hard
Let time decide
Leave it and let it be solved on it's own
No decision is a decision too

Depressing turtle

2006-05-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

Depressing turtle (Dang gui?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I rather be a turtle
Never to cross a hurdle
If ever it comes a burden
I've got a place to be hidden

The shell is my home
A place where i am alone
When time comes for me to be gone
I will be gone with my home

I got my tattoo

2006-05-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

Today i went chinatown to have a temp tattoo, it looks liked a cupid....is it? erm...i am not sure :P Onlooker uncle said,"Liked that people wun bully her liao." Does he mean i look liked i always get bullied? hm........

原来和妈妈一起洗衣服也是一种幸福。可能真的懂得珍惜与家人聚在一起的时刻了。刹那间，平淡的一天感觉却是如此温馨。妈妈对我说，失败了不要紧，重新再来过。简单的一句话，却深深地感动了我的心。我的心真的好难过，真的碎成片片了。好想好想投入妈妈的怀里大哭一场，可是我并没有这样做。

爸爸虽然什么也没说，但我知道他感觉到了我内心的难过。他不想看见自己的女儿这么难过。原来爸爸说的都是对的，男人是容易变心的。他自己是男人，当然非常清楚这一点。

很久没有去看外婆了，她在疗养院，一定很寂寞。假期一定要抽时间去看她。

不听老人言，吃亏在眼前。顽皮猫因为爱玩火，所以被火烫伤了。真的好痛好痛。真的应该长大了。怎么可以再这样任性呢？

有童真是好，但不可以太幼稚。这是一位朋友告诉我的，他这句话用在我身上，真是太贴切了。

一直很想有这个机会到医院表演，给那些病人带来一丝的关怀。我有能力做到吗？

我挥一挥衣袖 不带走一片云彩