First Word: Sian

His every converstaion start off with a :"sian man".

What the hell......if you feel sian then talk to me. Then what am I? Did u asked what time i got home? A sincere friend wun start off a conversation with :sian. Can't you just start off like the others using :"hello", Idiot you.

If you ever get to read this, which is quite unlikely, let me tell you. I cannot act liked you and pretend nothing has ever happened. And be liked in the past. It's IMPOSSIBLE. You forgotten about what we had, but i have not. U think i can heal in 2 mths? then you are utterly wrong. Bastard .

Falling Blossoms Winter Tears

Falling Blossoms Winter Tears......

Saw this phrase while i was at Esplande in the afternoon. It was a lonely stroll at the esplanade. The escalator which makes me recall 2 years back when i first saw him and her. The Concourse which reminds me about last year, when i first known he's hers. I have been haunted by these places all this while. For now.....i am not sure, it just reminds me of all these, but do they still haunt me?

My students commented that my new hair colour is nice. wah.....Nice to hear that. I was quite surprise, my sec 2 boy finds me "sexy", oh my, he used that word. Am I?

Those monkeys said they dunno i was looking at them cos my hair was covering my eyes. Wah lao, liked that also can. Win already lor.

大叔蛮关心我的。他知道我这几天肚子不舒服，便再三嘱咐我要去看医生。至少他在百忙之中，还会抽出时间和精力关心我。谢谢大叔！下一个约会，我们要吃雪糕了！太棒了！在我去日本之前，想和他见个面。因为他让我拥有很平静、安稳的感觉。

I almost shed tears for jerk in the MRT today. Cos i thot of him, thot of the past. And ......我想念他。 :'(

遗忘之都

让我沉睡在遗忘之都，遗忘不愉快的记忆，离开伤痛，在美梦中，永远不再醒来。

但这绝对是不可能的。人总是无法躲避现实，逃得了一时，逃不了一世。问题还是存在着。面对现实是可怕的，我真的很害怕。

如果这个人完全以自我为中心，那么我还需要和他维持这段友谊吗？他的每一句话完全没有以我为出发点，可见他的自私。

Wah lao...and this type of idiot should just F*** off. Oops......actually i should use this long ago. :P My first time using this word to scold him. Anyway...he teach me one. muahahaha

Grandma

Finally went to see grandma today. She looks thin....on her wheelchair. It's sad to see her being so lonely, waiting and waiting, for people to visit her. Cooping at a dark corner of the ward, she can't move about freely, she can't go anywhere. There's a plaster on her hand, wonder what happened to her ...... She was happy to see mum and me, she ate the hor fun we brought her and also the tapioca kuey. She looks cute with her pink billabong hat. :)

On the way to the elderly home, I realise it was very near GM, Lorong ah soo, actually I went there for course before. it was only today that i know the home is so near GM. During the drive, mum asked me about "J", she said he was an honest boy. At least he told me the truth. Well......indeed, he was an honest boy. Or an honest jerk?

oh, i bought a tube dress today, can wear it for my next date with da shu le....:P
it was great to know him, expecially at this point of time when i am still fragile and need lots of love to heal my broken heart. he cuddle me like I am a little kitten. It's really something that i want to thank him from the bottom of my heart. Even if in the end it did not work out for us. And i think it might not work out, cos he's looking for wife, and I am definitely not being able to be a good wife for the time being, still a playful kitten.

Dad was funny today.....he was going to smell if the orange was not fresh. In the end the nose touched the juicy orange fresh. :P Then he was talking about the banana, but end up calling it papaya. Mum said he was definitely thinking about papaya when talking to me. hehehehe......I know his memory is failing, he said he getting old le. I am getting old too. Eversince his operation, he has become very caring and considerate. He's no longer hot-tempered and fierce person. Being born in a traditional family, we dun have the habbit of hugging parents and tell them we love them. but deep deep down in my heart, i really wanted to give mama and papa a great hug....hugz hugz........

20/06/2006

19/06/06: Monday

He msn me....It was a great surprise. I thot we would just keep silence for the rest of our lives. He's still my friend. I did not ignore him. though i felt we might need more time to cool down. It was a frenly message. His tone was as usual....the same old tone. And the next day, he also msn me ...asking me about the movie.


20/06/2006: Tuesday

It was a sweet day with 太阳树，and i gave him a new nickname that day "大叔".
He was late for half an hour lor....but he did apologise. We had dinner at crystal jade. Actually wanted to play hide and seek with him, but we did not have time, need to catch "Silent Hill" at 9.40pm. It was a nice conversation with him during dinner. Then we went to the petshop to see bunnies...oooh....cute bunnies.
The movie ended at 12am....oooh....he kept the tics leh....or else i can keep one, special date leh. he sent me home after that......a nice day sia....:) :D


*今天终于把他替我换的琴弦拆掉了，他绑了很多个结，我拆得好辛苦。终于把琴弦拆了，但是，拆不掉的，却是他绑在我心中的千千结。

父亲

今天是父亲节。 和爸爸一起吃了丰富的午餐，其实是一件很幸福的事。送了爸爸一张龙猫卡片，卡片里的龙猫撑着伞，四平八稳地站着。这有如爸爸，无论多大的风浪，他都屹立不倒，为我们挡风遮雨，这就是我心中伟大的爸爸。美丽的星期天，与家人度过了一整天，家庭的温馨洋溢，可是我很想念他。：（

心里又在下雨了。为什么？我以为我已经方下了。可是我很想念他，怎么办？好想好想他。为什么太阳树无法取代他在我心里的位置？为什么我还念着一个不复存在的人？想着想着就哭了。

其实我对爱情已经没有了信心。一个男人可以对很多女人许下很多承诺，但下一秒钟可能全都无效。这是多么可怕的一件事。人随时都会变，也可以说人天天都在变，事事无永恒，不可能会有天长地久的。熙熙攘攘的人群中，谁会是我未来的另一伴？也可能这个人永远也不会出现，也许我这一世没有福气享有一段真诚的爱，只盼下辈子投胎，再寻找前世未了缘。

Strings

Change alto guitar strings.....makes me recall...half year back when u helped me to change strings during music camp. We were in the room...i was lazing and sleeping, while u were changing the strings. 我舍不得把它拆掉。因为是你帮我换的琴弦，对我来说不单单是六条弦，是非常有纪念价值的弦。

Panda say she's going to night safari today. And i recalled....again....that time when we were at night safari. It's my first time there. It was the day i found your photo with her. It was the first time i cried in your room....u didn't know that. It was thefirst time i lean on your shoulder.....and tears drop on your shoulder....u didn't know that either. We wun have the chance to go night safari again.......

State of confusion

I must be out of my mind today. I ask tree out for supper. Of course he never turn me down. Upon seeing him the second time, A weird feeling came........ it seems liked...he's not the one afterall. He seemed too mature for me. I like younger guys. oh my......what's wrong with me.

Supper at Fong seng, i should say it'a an enjoyable one. Then he sent me home...walk me up. Nice hor.....been a real long time since the last time a guy sent me home. We chatted happily in the car.....the fish....and the body sticker. :P

I missed laksa. Oh my, what's wrong with me. Missing a person who's change......the person i miss no longer exist. It's the old laksa whom i miss. And he no longer exists. He's the only one whom when i saw him at first sight, i know he's the one i want to love. I guess he can only live in my memory......till the day i die, bury it with me.

开始不懂了

为什么到了这个年龄，开始对人生一些事情感到疑惑？成长、成熟，就应该对人事更加明确，更懂得面对事情。为什么我却一片茫然，不知所措？

我不想成为全职家庭主妇！这样的结局太可怕了。虽然有很多伟大的母亲为了子女放弃事业，放弃理想，但我现在却觉得这样很可怕。也许我还没准备好这一刻，毕竟我还没到谈论婚嫁的阶段。

什么是爱情？最终往往和你思守到老的人，并不是你最爱的人。这样自己最爱的人算是什么？过客？回忆？梦想？童话？怎么又知道那个人是自己的最爱？而到底哪一个人是能和自己过一辈子的人呢？大家都说。。。凭感觉。。。天啊！如果是错觉呢？那么一生就毁掉吗？

人生目标？在年少时就应该找到自己的目标吗？我到现在还没有一个明确的目标。隐隐约约想跟随兴趣，但是兴趣不能当饭吃。一旦兴趣变成了收入的来源，它就不再是兴趣了。它就不再是一个你喜欢的东西了。它便成了负担。曾经热爱华文，但现在后悔了。为什么会这样呢？如果有机会选择，我不会再主修华文。

我曾经答应过你，无论结果怎么样，我们都还会是朋友。现在这个过渡期，我需要时间疗伤、调整心情。所以我唯一能做的，最是暂时不理睬你。从另一个角度，或许我真的要感谢你，是你让我回归现实，是你让我成长，让我睁大眼睛看待事物，让我的视野更豁达。我并没有怪你，你依然留在我心中的一个很深的角落。

现在我更懂得珍惜我身边的人，亲人、朋友。在这一个月里，真的看到了关心我的人，他们为我担心，同时也尽全力开解我、安慰我。小猫可以重新站起来了！

虽然我还是一个蛮脆弱的女孩，但我会学习独立，使自己更坚强。也希望在我平凡的生命里，会出现一颗能够保护我的大树。

Almost Love

I gonna meet kev next tuesday, so excited. :P But,,,,,will i be able to recognise him?

Watched "Almost Love" just now. a nice movie. First time watching movie at the new cathay cineplex. Also first time having dinner at Manhanttan Fish. Though i dun find the food that nice.

Why can't i play it well?

Hm...trying to practise the piano accompaniment pieces, but I can't play it well. Oh dear...my skills so poor...:(

豆豆提起 “ 黄老师”，黄老师说我还有一点孩子气。真要命，为什么我还是长不大呢？比我小的表妹都已经要做妈妈了。而我还是吊儿郎当，还活在童话故事里。我还不想结婚，但是我想穿婚纱。我想在变老之前拍结婚照，可是我的心智还不成熟，根本还没到组织家庭，负起那么大的责任的阶段。结婚是一件可怕的事，这是一辈子的承诺，一辈子的责任。

曾经听过这一首歌： 爱情那棵树

当你失去了爱情 又想找回爱情
心中就多一棵树
它慢慢占据你的灵魂
绽放你凋谢的记忆
当你失去了爱情 又想找回爱情
多年后那一刻
世界不会改变 只是多了谎言
爱情那棵树

One Month

分手一个月了。虽然心中还是有很多的想念，但是时间已慢慢地冲淡心中的悲痛，血不再流了。好像很久没有见到你了，我想这也是好事。这样对我们彼此都好。你最近过得好吗？真好笑，或许我根本不应该再想这种问题了。真是个傻瓜！

太阳树never sms me today leh, nor did he reply my sms, think he must be out clubbing liao....hehe. Maybe it's just a crush, it will die off soon. If he's really keen, he would have taken action. And i think i have already forgotten how he looks, i wun be able to recognise him.

GSS really makes me giddy. Shop until i feel so tired. It's better to go shopping on normal days. At least people wun crowd with you or knock onto you or something.

A 28 year old old lady. Yet mum still want to ask me who sent me sms. That's a bit ridiculous. I am old enough to have my own privacy. Why can't she respect me on that.

Friendship is not easy to handle too. I am not a person who can handle a lot of frenship at one go. How to maintain it well? It also needs effort. And i am not skilful enough to handle all these.

人往往在失去的时候，才懂得去珍惜

人往往在失去的时候，才懂得去珍惜，但为之已晚。

Was in the car with Esther and her hubby, and her hubby mention that "people dun treasure what they have, until the day they lose it". Indeed, that's human nature. Though we are consicous of this, we never did treasure the things around us. And still.....till the day we finally lose it, we regret.....but....it will be too late. And this add to one more regret in our life. Isn't it sad. History repeats, mistakes repeat.

Saw 2 sec 2 students of mine at PS, wow, they look mature. While i look like a student. And that person doing survey thot i am 21. :S

It's nice to receive his sms again.....it's always sweet to receive sms from 太阳树.A simple sentence" How has your day been?"....though simple, but sweetens my day. Thanks Kev. :) But gosh.....i think i gonna forgot how he looks soon.

我的心开始想你了

曾经告诉自己不再为你掉下泪滴
最终还是为你落下想念的泪滴
笑看自己的愚蠢
怜惜自己的单纯
泪珠化为涟漪
渗入水的怀里
以为这将会是从此的依靠
以为就可以这样白头到老

Went to a fren's father's wake just now. I felt sad...... life is short, life is unpredictable. He might be here this moment, but the next moment, he might be gone. We never know what will happen tomorrow. Anything can happen, even the most impossible thing. Treasure what u have now......

We were at the bus-stop....it was dunno how many years ago which we waited for bus together at a bus stop. At that time, it was sweet. But now, it was weird. I miss the good old days. I can talk a lot of things with him then. But now....no more. i always thot he can be a real confidante. But people grow, people change. Our frequency no longer tally. And we are now acquaintance only.

On the journey back home, alone one bus 93. I missed him. 93 will pass by his house. Anything that has any link with him, or i should say....there's too many things related to him......and all these remind me of him. I am scare.....i dun want....i dun want.....

华文文化营

A bad start of the day.....taking NEL, i got elbowed by a lady when i walked down the escalator. Then i thot.....die liao......it might be the start of a bad day. And indeed......

The person who supposed to lend me the Dig Cam went missing . MIA! And i gave the wrong instructions to the teachnician. And i was forced to wear the ugly camp T-shirt. argh!......kill me i also wun wear...muahahaha. And that stupid paper cut me. So pain. :( In the end the dig cam we managed to borrow, was full, and cannot take in anymore photos. haiz......

But it's also quite a sweet day ...... 太阳树 sent an sms early in the morning. And it really was an sms marathon, lasted for the whole day. sweet sia...hehe.

Workaholic?

I know I definitely wun become a workaholic. But I am sure he is a workaholic :P
Haiyo.....my mind is running wild.

太冲动是不好的。有时候不可以太随性，不是突发奇想，想做什么，就可以去做的。我往往忽略了后果。过于感性，就会变得不实际，这是非常危险的。一不小心，可能会受伤。

I think I am going a bit crazy today. Played flute for 3 hours and piano for 2 hours. In the end i was too tired to play guitar. duh.....

And still in my daydream, that day......it keeps recurring in my mind. "hopeless"...duh... how come like that? Never receive sms from 太阳树 today leh...... :(

I got distinction for my flute exam!

My tattoo lasted for a week....and now it's peeling, i had to draw it on...duh.... :S

Been a bad day....mama lost her temper for no reason. And i kena a good scolding. A recovering heart, taking another blow again. Teardrops came again. I went wandering in the streets, not knowing where to go.....just knowing, i dun want to go home.

Came home, receive a call from teacher, wah....i got distinction for my flute exam.....at least this brighten my day.

3 persons in a week...thot i am still a student....hehe......good hor.....i still look young....phew....:P

Received his sms on Friday...finally. His hp got problem, so my sms did not get thru that nite. But it's nice to receive his reply....it indeed cheered me up. :) He's someone who i can tell about my thots, someone whom i can share things with. Was indeed surprise that he listens to me so attentively. Cos usually i am the listener. ANd now comes a listener for me ....whoah.........

在我空虚的世界里
出现了一棵太阳树
他为我孤单的画面
增添了一丝生机
让一个灰暗的世界
重现了一道微光
赋予了我生命的他
会不会只是我生命的另一段插曲呢？
有一种奇妙的感觉
我希望他会是留在我心里的太阳树。

Nightclub 1960

Been quite some time since I last met Law. hehe......today is a fruitful practise, we managed to struggle through 2 pages of Nightclub 1960. Nice song sia. Hope we can really master this piece well.

My mind is still replaying that scene, that day....alamak, it's a curse sia. Kitten likes to be pat......haiyo.....Can't help it, but I guess i kinda miss him. Duh....wake up!