Sax at ECP

Finally heard his sax. :)

I should say he's really charming on the sax......wah.........hehehe........
And we went there by a pick-up....hehehe...interesting sia.
Learnt something today.....go ECP must bring newspaper. keke......we went into the carpark without any lamp posts. wah........exciting. hahahaha.....
ENjoyed myself in this one hour free music.....it's really nice.....to have a life solo sax performance by him.

Sanrio midnite sale.....never go in the end....wasted sia......
Dog mention that if i ever go and take Neoprint with him, it will look real nice. I also think so. But ....think not possible le. SO i better not think so much.Talk to dog too much about him......that's why will miss him.
Why ask him along?

当眼泪落在 Hippie 身上

忽然觉得很难过，心又开始想念了。
你应该不会有同样的心情，你应该是过得很开心，开心地忘了有“慧芬”这个人的存在。说好要努力忘了你，尽管如此的努力，还是做不到。

天使任务早已结束，我已经卸下了天使的职责，不再默默守护你，不再为你做任何事。可是，心里还怀念着执行使命的那段日子。

那时哭的时候，你替我擦去眼泪，叫我不要哭。而在这一瞬间，哭泣时，你已不知去向。眼泪一滴一滴地落在 Hippie 的身上。它可曾感应到“主人”内心的痛？

Remembered how hard my frens tried to console me and encourage me. I shouldn't let them down. 累了...怕了...输了......

Trust is built over time, yet destroyed in glimpse

Been dropping tears these few days while watching drama series. Silly me......
The scene......the gal was crying, saying...trust is built over time, yet her trust was completely destroyed in split second.
WHy is it so fragile? So much effort is put into yet. Yet....it can't withstand any blow. And it's gone just liked that.

I trust people easily. My frens, my parents, my students. In a way....i should say i am silly. Am i too naive? I think trusting students too easily is really silly. :( I think they are more cunning than me.

WHy is it that in TV, the couples will bump into each other so easily? DO such thing really happen? Or it only happens on TV? I dunno.......SOmewhere in time......he saw me twice.......i became third party......in the end....i am still alone. Well.....i shouldn't recall anything now. knock knock my head.......:S

Been having nice conversation with SJ lately. I didn't know we can actually chat a lot. :) whoah...at least got someone say i am adorable and talented. He thinks so highly of me wor. SO touched... :) It's a nice feeling to have someone willing to lend a hand....helping a lost kitten. Thanks SJ......* haha...who knows....one fine day i might start to like guys with Big EYes*....hehehe....(joking :P)

This green colour seems ok.....hehehe.....Saw SH's blog few days ago.....SOmething that i'd like to do for the rest of my life......an inspiring blog. I want to do MUSIC.....for the rest of my life. Definitely not teaching. 3 years later, after my bond, i dunno if i will still teach. I want to further my studies in music. Life is short. I want to learn as many things as i can in my available years.

Teaching gives me more dejection than satisfaction. And i dunno if i can still hang on there. I dun want to end up in IMH :S. Music is something i enjoyed....but.....it's a tough journey, the practising hours.....the expressions, the techniques. DO i have the ability to do that?

Do not Hesitate, just go for it........think somemore, really dun have the chance liao lor. :) Wish myself luck.....hehehe/......

你摸了它们，要负责任哦

2oth & 21st September:
I survived thru the perfomances at Esplanade Concourse. phew.......
I guess i played badly, but i was in the second row, no one can spot my mistakes...hehe.:P

178 came on the first performance, so happy ...:) We went Mac to buy dinner....then we ate the fries...I was choosing a soft one....and touched many of them....and he said"你摸了它们，要负责任哦" . hehe....for a moment....i was really amused. Of course i will be resposible lor. :P

Had a good chat with RJ and dog after the performance. And RJ was real funny....made me laugh liked hell......hehe......thank you my friends.......thank you for being there when i needed u ...... :) :)

Came Friday....i missed the chance to listen to his sax again.....alamak...when will i get the chance to listen to it? And my stupid eye was swollen again, kena infection. How come that eye always get infected. Morning woke up, it was damn swollen and ugly. In the end i took MC and wasted 30 bucks to see doctor.

Saturday ....i broke my own record......i think i mark 7 stacks of essays...whoah......oh my.......

Exposed

It seems that quite a number of my students have been reading my blog. And it might now be a place where i have to be careful with my words and expression of emotions.

16th September, Sat:
I missed the chance to hear him play saxophone leh. He's got a new nick, 178. :)

17th September, Sun:
Trying hard to control my emotions while practising. And music has really make us feel better. The song is not just a song. It's really in both of us. It's something i dun even know how to put it in words. A nice stroll in the drizzle under the "holy" umbrella. Maybe it's a nice weather, so both of us are in good mood, nice ambience. :) A pity......

And today, a stressful Monday. Back in school after N-level marking. Jia latz siaz. :( Horrible load of markings stacking up. And now i am still writing blog, aiyo......
And how about the wed and thurs performance coming up ? die liao lah......haven master all the songs yet. I really wonder how i am going to smoke thru it.

The Truth Hurts

Yesterday, 13 Sept.
I was hurt again. It added on to the injury. Another blow fell on me. And i collapsed. Should i write all these down? And i remind myself of all these sad things again and again each time i enter my blog?

Panda and SJ encouraged me.......and i really appreciate that. How am i going to face the usual things......i really dunno. I lsot completely.

This morning i kept thinking, should i go on with it? Play with him? Duet is duet? No....duet is not just duet.......it's not just simply duet. It's not just the playing.

In a dilenma......thinking and thinking, and thot maybe i should sms him about that question. And well.....he sms me at that moment, the same question that i was going to ask. And he thanked me for my decision. That song keep ringing in my head.....and it just seem......the song is asking me not to give it up. 如果真的放弃了，真的是非常非常可惜的。

无可奈何，我必须放弃。放弃了我这几年最在乎的人。放弃了最伤我的心的人。他从此在我的脑海和电脑里消失。我把他从我的脑海和电脑里删除了。我不知道以后会怎样面对他，也不知道我们是不是就这样结束了。只能把一切看开，竭尽所能地把他忘记。梦里不再有他，心里不再有他。

从伤痛中站起来对我来说并不容易，我不知道我的伤么时候才会康复。心里的伤口一直在流血，流啊流啊......不知道什么时候才会停止。

农历七月快要结束了，我也快要回家了。回了之后，你再也不会看到我了，明年我还会在这里吗？ 我也不知道了。 再见，松毅......

Little Man

10th Sept, Sunday.
Should i celebrate?
It's been 4 mths. Been 4 mths since he killed me completely.
Second duet practise....it was progressing. But it's hard to be his duet partner. How can he say he is always alone at home when his sms come non-stop.He's not the pathetic one. I am. I felt sad......

11th Sept,Monday:
Little Man...nice wor.....a funny movie......Watch it with YS. A nice and secure person, who will walk me to the bus stop. :)

Ugly Hairstyle

27th Aug, Sunday:
I just wanted to trim my hair. But my idiot hairstylist cut it damn short. I look so toot. I gonna hide at home for the next 2 weeks.
He told me it looks a bit cute. And he said it's not ugly. Even if enver grow back, still pretty. Was i ever so pretty in his eyes? i really wonder. Or he thinks he do me too much harm that he needs to be nice to me for the rest of my life so taht he wun feel so guilty?
I can only be nasty to him. I can't bring myself to be nice to him again. He might be having fun with another gal now. WHy can't i just forget?

Bohemian Rhapsody, we practised it, and i was back in his room again. Been nearly 4 mths since the last time i went. And that was before he discard me. The past memories haunt me again. I am scare......

1st September: Teachers' Day
Received some presents from my students. So nice of them, i was really touched. :)
A good holiday for me....hide myself at home becos of my super ugly hair. :( haiz.......
And.....though not so free....i am still thinking about him. Damn it!

I guess he will never read about what i wrote, he was never interested in reading my blog in the first place. He wanted to understnad how i felt. And he thought he already did. But he will never understand. Cos he dun bother to read my feeling, read my mind. And now...i guess it's already no point doing that. Heart is gone? Heart was never here? Whether or not, it can't change anything anymore.

I dun ask "How's your day?" anymore. He can say sian hundreds of times. I will jsut let him write. Cos no pont consoling him. I am not capable of doing that. And all i can do, i already did. Run out of all resources, totally drained. "Xiongyi"......my poor teddy, u must be feeling very lonely now, being neglected and cast aside at a dark corner of the room.