Tattoo Guy

I went out with a guy with a tattoo today. hahahaha...so funny......
He has tinted hair, he has earholes, he has tattoo. Wow...isn't this the ideal guy i am looking for? AND...he is an interior designer....hehe.......a pity too thin........:P

I smell cigarettes......and i ask him a stunning question. And out of nowhere, i ask him if he has tattoo....he was stunned again. :P wah....i know a lot of his secrets.

I could say...he is an interesting person. " ah beng" look, which makes him more COOL. He looks cool when he scold vulgarity, hahaha....... :P D:

I told myself.....maybe i should just stay away from msn....stay away from addiction. Stay away from anything that will remind me of jerk. The old memories still haunt me. And i really dunno what i can do.....in despair....

SJ said i will never forget, I can only get over. The memories are something special for me to keep. Do i really want to forget everything? Or i rather keep it with me? I dunno......

It's a scary feeling to recall the past.....to me.....it's scary......same feeling as how the concourse used to scare me. No one knows it best, except myself.

对不起

为什么要说对不起？
因为我辜负了很多关心我的人。
爸爸妈妈绝对不希望看到我如此沮丧面对人生。
豆豆多么希望我找到我的幸福。
师兄盼望我找回人生的目标。
SJ希望我乐观一点，放下那个人。
Dog希望我早日忘掉Jerk。

其实有很多关心我的人，这的确是值得感到欣慰的。对不起的是，我到现在还做不到，忘不了，改变不了。自己对自己越来越没有耐心，害怕等待的是一个不可能存在的未来。我不能放弃，因为这不是我的本性，我也不能就这样自暴自弃。可是却感觉到力不从心，快要撑不下去的感觉。

豆豆说，有一则文章提到，人要开心，要多运动、要把每天快乐的事写下来、每天要多笑，最好是大笑。快乐的人会比不开心的人多活九年。

寿命不是我那么关注的一点，但生命是短暂的，是宝贵的，时光匆匆流逝，在不经意中这样溜走了。珍惜，珍惜......

答应SJ不要再想，可是还是提到这个人。因为心里还是很想跟这个人说对不起。对不起，因为我违背了诺言，我说无论结果如何，我们都还是朋友。可是我做不到。一段得来不易、用心苦苦经营的友情，在一瞬间，毁于一旦。

I am quite worried that i will let SJ down. Well, may he be a reminder for me.....serving as a motivation to push me forward.......
Ok...SOmething happy for the day in my blog......

I bought a nice 3/4 pants. :0 Dun think that's something meaningful. :S oh oh.....i gonna do piano accompaniment on Thursday, will get to go Bedok primary, new environment, play piano (something i like), see Philip Han. :P I 've got no idea how he looks, hehe..... Hope it will be a good wk ahead.

Bravissimo Cookies & Cream

Why is Bravissimo's Cookies and Cream not white colour? It's brown leh......hm.......All others are white leh.

I want to go vivo city's playground and play the merry-go-round round round. Seems fun leh....but that day a lot of people....no chance to play...haiz.......

Want to go ZOO also....who wants to go with me? :(
No one.

Holiday

How time flies, yesterday was the last day of school. The very last time i stand infront of my form class, talking to them. They've indeed grown up. ( a bit :P) I already know they will be spread across 4 express classes next year. So, did feel sad that i wun have the chance to see them together as a class next year. Whehter i will get to teach Sec 2 classes next yr is still an unknown. :S But i seriously dun look forward to being co-form teacher of F1-4 next year. Eeks....i dun like that form teacher lah. duh......

Read SH's blog 2 days ago and was again inspired by what he said. Indeed, a friendship needs lots of efforts from both sides. Do friendship just come and go? It can be forever if we really try hard and be sincere about it. It needs maintenance.

One friendship that i want to maintain well, is of course the one with someone who talks to me in msn every night. :D D: SJ, i think u really put in effort in knocking sense into me. And you do your best in pulling me out of my pessimistic mind. Of course everything needs time, it can't change overnight. I just hope u have enough of the patience to stand by me, till the day u see me improve.:) You will do that right? hehe......

Actually..long long time ago i had a quite gd fren who also try all his efforts in consoling me. But he did not have the patience to see me improve. And our frenship turns sour. And...after a long time, I stand on my feet again. But he becomes a total stranger to me le. I lost this friend. :(

Dunno can consider it as a promise. But....i will write it down "green and white", keke, remember, SJ, if ever u need comfort or a shoulder, I will always be here. Must come to me hor. And.....i will go to you...if i need one. :P :) Hook hook little finger. :D

Mum and Dad comes home

Mum and Dad is Backed!!! :D
So happy....i dun have to do hosuework anymore. hehe.

Watch Death Note with RJ today. A nice movie. The God of Death eats nothing but apples. So cute. The "L" is cool. I like guys who;s so stylo when eating chocolates and pastries. ANd he used lollipop to stir his drink.....wah...........COOL !!! :P

Law mentioned him......and i was disturbed. Though recently i was very disturbed by my thots. I cannot deny that i miss him. Thinking of how he getting along, what he doing then....... recalling the days.....those were the days.......which were gone....... I cannot miss him le.....i shouldn't. :(

Having someone to care for me, calls me , is actually a nice thing. But i felt irritated when someone did that to me. How come? :S

Housewife

These few days, feels like a housewife, doing household chores, buying fruits in supermarket... :S
2 days of washing only......hands a bit rought rough leh.....like going to peel liao. My fragile hands. :S

Went to White Dog Cafe yesterday.....nice name...but food not that nice. It's very EX! :S And the service there not so good. Vivo city yesterday was horrible. People mountain People Sea.....see already giddy.

Decided to get away from that place, so Dog, Moh and me went PS. I went e-base, in search something. poor Moh had to wait for me and dog to try. hehehe.....

开始想念，真是太不应该了。：（
怎么办？
That day when we went Mt Faber...to see the Christmas tree, that moment when the bus was stuck for an hour, that moment when we walked home, that moment when u sms me at 6.30am. That last day of 2005......seemed liked a dream.......if i could just die in that dream. Never to wake up, never to face reality.......

一个人在家的感觉

不喜欢一个人在家的感觉。也许是太久没有一个人在家了，真的很不习惯。拥有了四天的自由，但又害怕自由。害怕着寂寞，却又拒绝别人的邀请。我到底是在干什么？：（

“我想我可以习惯一个人生活”......很久没有听到这首歌了。我以后就要面对这样的生活了，我能够习惯吗？

Is my blog my only friend whom i can talk to? I dun like to bug my friend.Cos i know i can get "sticky" to certain person. I dun want the few friends i have to get irritated with me.But i"ve got only a few friends......

活到一大把年纪，才发现自己害怕很多东西。为什么现在才感到畏惧？为什么现在才害怕？

After watching "After School", felt sad about the ending. Watching a sad movie makes me sad........need to watch something happy to cheer myself up.

Wrapping a present

Been a very very long time since I last wrap presents. Used to wrapped a lot of presents for my friends. And now i've stopped doing that. Afraid to "give" , cos i dun wanna get disappointed. Maybe a young heart is really more sincere than an old one. At least the young ones are more willing to give anything, irregardless of whehter they will get hurt or any other subsequent consequences.

老早忘了我抱礼物的专长，忘了我在设计和相像方面的小小才能。昨天，恍然之间，让我找回了遗失的自己。短短的一小时，简单的几份礼物，竟让我有这般满足感。我的手真的有如他们所形容的这般巧吗？从事精品店的行业会不会是一个更理想的满足？那一刹那，真的好开心。原来抱礼物能使我这么开心。：）

Mum and Dad will be going to Shanghai tomorrow. Mum is worried that i wun eat well. She's been stacking and storing lots of food in fridge and cupboard so that i wun starve myself. That sounds a bit ridiculous. But i know she really cares about me.How am I going to go thru these 4 days? :( The feeling of not having mama and papa at home is just not good. Alamak....I am behaving like a baby. :S

Actually Not feeling that good today. Just an "empty" feeling. My heart and life full of empty holes? Well...i guess it's really based on my own perspectives.

Unlucky day also, that freaking monster complain about me and i have to remove my angel tattoo. :( Hate her....damn it....... Hate school lah.....I have to obey school rules. Really hate it. I want tattoo...i want pink, purple and green hair!

8 years...first time i cried infront of him

It was an ok day for me until the mooncake thing.

A usual practise day. I stayed for the mooncake thing. Had fun playing Chip and Dale with SJ. A pity he left after the games, i wished he could have stayed for the walk.

My mind was peaceful until he came. I just got very sad upon seeing him. My heart sank. And tears started rolling. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I didn't know he was behind me. And i kept wiping away my tears. Until i could stand it no longer. How i wish SJ was there. I left.....crying......and thot of looking for old pal at cfa. He didn't know what happen, but did not turn me away. For the first time, out of the 8 years we known each other, i cried infront of him. Hope i did not scare him. And he ask me a question" Is he really so good?" And this question seemed funny. Of course my immediate answer was "No".

The rest came back cfa before i could cry my hearts out. I can only hid myself inside the toilet. But my eyes were still red. :(

Later, went home....on the way....i called SJ (*knowing SJ has been constantly reading my blog, really wanna thank you. :) Thank you for talking to me and cheering me up. Really appreciate that. *)

在回家的路上，经过了街边一排对我来说从不起眼的树木。一棵大树，在我经过时，悄悄放开了它支撑许久的枯叶。落叶从我面前飘落，让我不自觉地抬头望了望这一棵树。一棵我从来没有察觉到它的存在的树，今天，我看了它一眼。

落叶有如我沮丧的心，一层一层地落到谷底，很深很深的深渊。时间过了这么久，为什么想起他还是会难过？而且是非常非常难过。 ：（ 不是已经告诉了自己要坚强吗？为什么还是做不到？我是不是很失败呢？

如果不曾让我遇见你

如果不曾让我遇见你，今天就不会有伤感。到了那里，景物依旧。但留连脑海的，尽是那天和你度过的每分每秒，还有之后我们度过的每分每秒。你在我不经意中，悄悄偷走我的心。
一颗叫“傻瓜”的心。它努力地留在你身边，尽力奉献自己。可是，你那一颗叫“无情”的心，却给予一个冷漠的回答。傻瓜的世界乌云密布，下起雨了。
无奈的，我只有承认。我是真地爱上了你。

The Feeling With Jason

Yesterday Jason hurt himself while riding the bike. Haiyo....poor thing.
But yesterday he did not get angry during lesson. Cos i got practise my flute. :P He was so chatty yesterday....but i was too concussed to carry on the conversation. We heard Chopin's Norturne in E flat major at the other studio. I suddenly remember once upon a time i could play it quite well. Haiyo.....now dunno if i can still play it. :S
After lesson we sat at the corridor and look at the noticeboard. A short 5 mins.....but it was a peaceful and eased feeling. :) NExt month we gonna work on the Diploma exam pieces le. Hehe.......always feel it's a nice combi with him when we play songs together. It's always a nice feeling. :)

Feel great also to have SJ chatting with me on msn every night. Thot i might not have a chat mate anymore. But.....lucky me, I got a considerate and nice chat mate. :) It's always nice to share the day's happening with him, and also having him telling me how his day was...hee....:P

Feeling Sad Today

Why do i feel sad?

Why am i scare of loneliness?

Why am i running in vicoius cycle in spite of my effort in getting out of it?

我真的很害怕。不只害怕寂寞，更是害怕未来。心是灰的，心里的天空灰灰的。做什么事都提不起劲。我到底是怎么了？

LS and A are always together, they have each others company, that's why they dun feel the loneliness. For me and doudou, i guess she will be real busy with her partner soon. By that time.....really dunno where to look for her when i need a fren. SHe knows me best. But frens come and go. Chemistry come and go too. Nothing is forever. There might be lots of chemistry bet certain people. But as time goes by, reaction gets lesser. U either need a catalyst or u find new reaction from others. So...is this reality?

I am lost in my direction once more. Couldn't find my way back. Not young anymore, and i am clear that that wun be any prince coming my way. I am not Snow white, I am not the lead in the fairy tales. Fairy tales dun exist in real life, that's why it's call a Fairy tale.

为什么会有一种一无所有的感觉？前一阵子不是好好的吗？
我不想做孤魂野鬼。 ：（

我还是一个幼稚，喜欢抱娃娃的女生。

中秋节快乐

又是一年一度的中秋节，今年的中秋，比去年感伤。去年和他一起度过，今年......

Hazzy Mooncake Festival....no moon. :( All that was left was smoke and smoky smell...eeks......月亮不见了。

Mama bought me Pandan mooncake...Yippee!!....Thot i wun have pandan mooncake this year liao. But we went pass Bread Talk and saw pandan mooncakes on 25% discount.....hee...... :P

忽然想起他的样子，终于记得他的样子了。忽然想起他的声音，我到底是怎么了......不远处看见背影和他类似的人，真的想念了。

I think I gonna be scared of every festive season. Once thot i wun be lonely in these festive season again. But, I am back to square one. I know it clearly that i wun be able to find another person who is willing to spend to much time with me. That moment is gone. And it seems.....i dun have the energy to redo everything again with another person. I do not have the energy to put in the same amt of effort to give my everything to that person. Haiz........thinking too much again. :(

Ocarina

Took out the ocarina to practise. Have left it aside for 2 mths since i returned from Japan. Still did not play it well.....pretty horrible actually. :S

While my guitar gently weeps.....this song still rings in my mind.......I used to tell dou dou about whoever buys me certain"Wonderful soft toys", I shall marry him. I have not been saying this for the last 2 yrs. Maybe for a change..... I shall say....."Whoever plays this song to me, I shall marry him."....hehehe...:P

Was in a long queue just now to buy the Raffles Hotel mooncake. Wah........in the end realise, no need to queue, unless i want the champagne mooncake......duh. And in the end the flavour i bought was not so fantastic afterall. :S

During inviligation, my class boys were funny......they have lots of spare time as they finished the paper too fast(actually they can't do the paper). And they started their nonsense, playing with strings, erasers and even electronic dictionary. I can't help laughing. :P

人相处久了，一定会有感情的。当要面临分离时，却又那么难受。天下无不散的宴席，终有一天，各自分道扬镳，朝着不同方向而去。多年以后，擦肩而过，大家可能已经是陌路人。

Been a Bad Day

I realise I am really lousy. :(

Felt very tired today......struggle my way to flute lesson. And realised i missed the audition for the annual concert next year. And i never practise my exam pieces, Jason was not very happy liao. His words were a bit harsh. I said nothing....could only felt tears gathering in my eyes, getting ready to charge any moment. Maybe Jason sense it, he changed his tone and tried to be nice to me.

SO old liao, why still get hurt over few words? Silly me.
But, becos i care, that's why I am sad. I wanted to play my flute well.....but i feel so tired.....too tired to practise. I still have to do piano accompaniment for Jason's Dip exam. He's taking a risk in trusting me to do it for him, I cannot let him down. And i want to do it, it's a challenge to me. But.......time.......

我的毒还没有解，心里还是乱成一团。我不喜欢这样。 ：（

1 cat + 2 kittens = 3 Cats
I saw 2 new kittens in my neighbourhood. And also a new cat......where they come from? hm......

中毒

中毒！中了什么毒？:(
神经错乱菌...... :S

Writing blog...in a way...I want to write down certain things. In case....years later...i dun recall them. Since there's limited capacity in the human brain, then why do i still want to forget some things. Will i regret when i really forget it one fine day. If i really want to forget, then why am i writing it down as a record?

Writing is a way to express my suppressed emotions. And for me, a person with little words, i guess writing is the best way to voice out certain things which i will never ever say it out. Maybe not such a bad idea to write a blog afterall. :)

If......a picture paints a thousand words.......he failed to get my hint, but i got his hint. Kind of disappointed......oh well......不由自主地感到几许伤感。

Doudou called me in the afternoon, she's kinda worried about me after seeing my sms last Fri. Really nice to have her with me all these years. Been 15 yrs that we know each other. And all these while, she's there for me.......

Been quite motivated to practise flute after hearing 178 's sax.....hehe.....looking forward to the day when we can play flute and sax together. :)

While my guitar gently weeps

Jake Shimabukuro's Ukele
Jake Shimabukuro is well known in Hawaii for playing the ukele. This clip shows him playing George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", totally amazing!

http://my.break.com/Media/View.aspx?ContentID=118211

What a nice song......SJ sent me this link. When i heard it for the first time.....i cried.....dunno why.......but it was really nice...and it touches my heart.......Really amzaing....i didn't know Ukelele can produce such nice music. Must really save this link. :)

It's better to be friends

I guess it's really better to be friends......tidying my things....and saw so many things that he gave me ....the cute eraser, dang gui.....and the free gift orange container we both had. I thot of him again.....He msn me.....but i ignored.....not that I dun care about him.....not that i dun want to talk to him. Just that i dun want to see his nick. And he's now happy and well.....dun need me anymore. And yah......thot of him.....i am sad again.....

I wrote something in a way that 某某人wun understand. And true enough....he didn't catch it. Good that he didn't catch it. Dog ah......u came up with this idea and really makes my mind runs wild :S. But....if really there's the chance...i really want to have that neoprint. It might really look nice. But i should drop this stupid idea, since he ......

It's nice to have good friend. And may it stay this way.....if we happen to go further...and it did not turn out, the ending will be sad. Real sad. And then, i might lose another good friend. I've already lost one. One which was so precious to me. And it hurts......when i finally have to give up everything. So.......friends........friends.....